It all started with a recommendation from me on how my sister could lose
weight to fit her wedding dress… The irony is that this inspired me to become a better model myself, instead of just giving people advice. It’s funny how the world works.
I decided to become a vegan on July 1st. It’s my fifth day. I’ve mostly been
raw and I am working towards 811 but I can’t afford it fully yet. I’m doing the
best that I can. But at least I am not compromising any other creatures health
if I am my own with the few cooked foods I am still eating (steamed broccoli,
quinoa, oatmeal).
I have been on this path for a few years now. I have tried and failed and tried
and failed repeatedly. I won’t give up.
My family knows this and they think I will fail again. They just told me.
My sister is getting married next weekend and they just lectured me why I
have to start my “diet” now?? Can’t I wait after the wedding??
Previously these situations have got out of hand. I got defensive. I got angry.
Now I stayed calm and cool. I said it’s not a diet. It’s a lifestyle. I am not
compromising my health or the well being of other animals any longer, for
anybody.
They said “we know you’re going to go back to alcohol and meat anyway,
you’ve done this a thousand times”…
I said this will then be my 1001st time.
They said “but you’re not going to do this for the rest of your life anyway”…
I said today is not the rest of my life. One day at a time. Still calm.
They said “but can’t you do this for us?”…
I said someone has to think of the poor creatures because who asked them?
They said “we don’t care about your stupid animals”.
At this comment I must admit, a poignant sadness pierced my heart. But I
held it in and stayed strong.
I said “I’m sorry but I cannot compromise my own health or the well being of
my friends just so you can have a party. Besides, isn’t it most important that
we are celebrating and having a good time?”
They said “why do you have to make everybody’s life so difficult?”
I said you are the ones making this difficult (a little trace of anger in my voice
but I become aware of this and pull back). I can bring a few avocadoes with
me and eat them with some salad, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.
They said “you’re not bringing your own food to my wedding!!”:
I said well I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do about how you feel. Let’s just
have a good time and not stress about it.
They said “as if one person is going to make a difference anyway”
I said that actually one person makes a huge difference. I know because every
single person who is on this path is on it usually because of some other
person inspired them or caused them to shift their thinking. Whether it’s a
film, book or friend or girlfriend. (I was personally introduced to this through
an Irish girl I dated who lent me a book on the Okinawans… it planted a seed
and slowly it grew enabling me to be more open to ideas not shared by mass
culture. My progress has been slow but I am here now and that’s all that
matters.
They said “what about wedding cake?”
I said I will not eat anything that comes out of animals. No exceptions.
They said “aaarrghh…you are impossible, I can’t take this anymore, go play
with your stupid animals, I need a cigarette”.
I said actually I would love to have a pet cow and pig whose belly I would rub
and who would listen to me talk about life and write songs on my guitar.
*******
Everybody left the room. I’m still fairly calm (although slightly hurting inside).
I feel lonely.
The comment about “we don’t care about your stupid animals” causes me to
feel strong emotions but also guilt for my own coldness in the past to being
spiritually in tune with what I do and the consequences of my choices. Thus I
cannot judge others. We have all been there. (or most anyway). I take comfort
in this reminder.
I have no one, NOT 1 single person who supports me on this but at the same
time I know that nature, love and life support me. That is the greatest support
a man could ever hope to have. It is an unlimited source of support.
This time I am strong. It’s different this time. I feel strong emotionally. I feel
peaceful inside. I am not doing this out of rebellion or to get attention or any
other ego driven purpose. I will make it. The fact that I might fail is not
worthy of my consideration nor will I waste time with “what ifs” (as others
do… about me! yeah crazy i know but what can you do?). This will hopefully
be my LAST try. I am confident in this. And also seize being just a “try” but a
permanent action. No more experiments. Our species is in trouble and I want
to do all I can to help. One luscious bite at a time.
*******
But I also feel mentally stronger than ever because of this conversation. I
know most people (not just my family) are very spiritually closed down and
cold and materialistic and superficial but I believe – no, I KNOW – that this
warm place is in even the coldest of hearts. I KNOW that they would see this if
they only allowed themselves to feel beyond their current capacity. My hope is
that I can at least awaken a few in my lifetime.
*******
It’s a good day today. We are alive. We are breathing.
Love & inner sunshine,
MN
PS. I wouldn’t mind having a friend or two who is also on this path.
Or a lover 😀
