here they are
1 deleting ALL my social media (many times)
2 overestimating my abilities
3 underestimating my audience
4 lack of focus
5 lack of strategy
6 ignorance of the greater game
7 poor mental health (addictions, depression, narcissism, self-sabotage, etc)
8 lack of professionalism (amateurish behavior)
9 laziness & procrastination
10 believing rock star celebrity myths
11 arrogance
12 not knowing how draining making music is emotionally and spiritually
now allow me to elaborate after i swallow my humility pill… (gulp)
while it kicks in, i’m gonna give you a brief story about how i even got here and why you are probably here too
so i grew up playing music, loved the beatles and took piano lessons
here we go
number 1 – deleting ALL my social media
I started my blog/website around 2004.
I was in a band and had a girlfriend.
I had finished high school and my military service and was writing songs.
I was also drinking and eating shit.
I didn’t really know anything except that I wanted to be a rock star and just make music and bang super models. That’s all I cared about.
But i was broke and broken.
I got on myspace, built a following, met a girl there, fell in love, found my muse, started travelling and on my journey went… continued writing and performing and practising and drinking and fucking
then facebook came along
that changed everything
i think i started various profiles throughout the years
lived and learned
but while this was all happening, i was also going through some powerful awakenings
that was messing with my rock start dreams
I found people who believed in me and my music
Money was spent
Social media teams
Music videos
Albums recorded, mastered and manufactured
but i was still broke and broken
Lost and full of fear
i worked with managers and other musicians and creative people
i had relationships and read books and took drugs
went to new places
wrote better songs
got better
evolved
Struggled
Failed
Soared like an eagle
One day i had enough
Done with this shit
DELETED everything.
I regret that.
I had a good thing going.
But i just couldn’t do it anymore.
I basically died in this world and went into hiding.
I felt shame and weakness.
I knew something was burning through me
cleansing me
Jesus, Buddha, God… satan… i wasn’t sure
this was my crossroads
There was no going back
number two…
(reader’s note 2025: this post was never completed)
