when i was like 15-16 i read this book called zen guitar and it opened up a new world for me into zen and buddhism and all that although i didn’t understand that at the time. then i read orwell and siddhartha by herman hesse and of course here and there these themes cropped up in pop culture hollywood movies like fight club, matrix… the whole thing against materialism. Tyler Durden with his self help is masturbation and self destruction is better or you just gotta let go in that driving scene. all these things get into the brain of a human and especially those into the creative pursuits… you get a glimpse and you want more. of course suffering is the greatest teacher there is. i had no idea what i was doing. drinking. sex. music. reading. school. friends. travel. parties. you figure it out as you go. you react and get mad when things don’t go your way and some of us are prettier than others so can get away with more. the ugly ones have to dig deep. but the funny thing is that pretty and ugly are not as they seem. our minds and perceptions deceive us. someone can be outer pretty and inner ugly or vice versa. they use outer pretty to model brands. smooth skin. tall and slender with sharp features to bring out the product. skinny with kind of decadent vibes in posture. like a starving tiger or something. it’s all sex. pushing your mating buttons to associate desire with you and the PRODUCT. but it’s not just the supermodels. it’s really in everything. Look at the movies or pop culture in general. when we go out, we all do something to increase our chances. even the ones that don’t are secretly wanting to fall in love and most likely after another dead end night they go home to masturbate to fantasies and for that moment they wish they were someone else. i wanted more yoga and peace and all that it seemingly had to offer. so you start gravitating to certain things in life. at least it’s something different. less anger and drunken idiot entrepreneurs and hockey fans which is where i come from. all humans are the same. i have travelled the world and there is zero difference in any culture. we all want the same things depending on where we are on the maturity spectrum. i go up and down. some phases in my life i am in love with love and feel this joy radiating in my being. i want more of it and i am attracted to people who have it and want it but then i fall into the darkness and build a tree house above an abyss you know how that goes i want you i dont want you i make promises i cant keep i feel this huge disappointment i listen to linkin park’s last album and think why Chester??? you could’ve just let it pass all this mind madness shit always passes there’s always a new day we just sit back down and write and create put on some good music talk to our friends hit the gym hard read some good books and maybe even start a bunch of ’em just to get those juices flowing have a good sleep and a long walk maybe become a new person say sorry honey but something’s gotta change you could move to siberia and live in the forest there in the TAIGA so many options man back and forth up and down life is a rollercoaster but i like it i wanna ride it
