In case you didn’t know dear reader, I’m a crazy person. What i say and think from day to day is very inconsistent. I don’t take my “self” seriously at all because I don’t believe there is such a thing. Yesterday I wrote about happiness and all that shit. Well later that evening I completely crashed and the bubble burst. I didn’t really know what the hell was happening. It felt awful.
Well i was also 72 hours into my distilled water fast and come midnight, I wanted to go out and get some grub. But I persisted and slept through the night. In the morning I felt like a junkie probably feels when he knows today is his lucky day. That’s right folks, I put that sweet potato in the oven with some lemon and sea salt and decisively ended my fast at 82.5 hours.
I lost almost 5kg in that time. More than I expected. It wasn’t easy. I wanted to go for a week but decided to break it early so I can wake up tomorrow for the new week and focus 100% on more important shit. I’m done with fasting and health and spirituality and self help and science and psychology and conspiracy theories and all that garbage. It is a toxic wasteland.
The music gods don’t care about anything but songs. Songs are the sacrifice so they are kind to me. It’s fucked up I know. But it’s the way it is. I am a willing slave. I serve them well. This is not about becoming famous or rich. This is about the song. The art. The writing. The cinema. The beauty.
I’m glad I came to this deep realization of who I want to be in the land of make believe. Now gotta get my daily routine in order. Metronome. Timer. Guitar. Vocals. Order a piano online. Order that 8 string ukulele i have been dreaming about. I got some money to burn. I am done with all the coaches and consultants too who take advantage of struggling musicians. FUCK YOU ALL. I will exposes you fuckers.
I got hate and anger simmering but also love and joy and pleasure. I don’t even like those words. Emotions are way more nuanced than that. I’m also done with all the boxes people wanna put me in. Society wants to put me in. FUCK YOU ALL too.
Just you wait and listen. The songs are coming. Then you will understand this war, this struggle. There are no rulebooks for what I do. And even if there were I’d wipe my ass with them and throw them off the balcony.
Structure is good. Making music or writing or any art is part craft, part creativity. Need both.
So that’s where I’m at today.
Watching the UFC fights from paris. Gonna go on a rampage later and buy a chair, probably junk food and considering getting a flat screen and a playstation. No Markus, stay focused! Music. Art. You don’t need to be playing video games. You quit that shit when you were 15 and now is not the time to start again! When the songs are done then maybe. But NOT NOW. Yes master.
Songs
Books
Movies
Nothing else matters.
The king of nothing is back.
Yeah,
MN
PS. My twitter with daily thoughts.