again

it seems i’ve come
to the same old place
where I’ve been so many times
again and again
the loser’s palace
where the king rules alone
for everyone has left
or gone home
again
I look at the grey sky
vodka costed me so much love last night
many nights
but a flower still grows
after my inner apocalypse
the first ones bloom
in cold black winter
a little violet in my heart
when she looks at me with that spark
that furious beauty
and I am pulled in
again
to the world where Markus only matters
where the only beauty left in my corrupted soul
is the rays that shine in this sunlight heart
and so the story goes
back and forth
I am like a kid in a candy store
dazed and confused
mad and unamused
I wake up again
I get up again
I breathe again
I dream again
I be this man I supposedly am again
I play my songs again
I sing for you again
I fail and suffer and love and fear
again and again and again and again and again