Because I can.
There has been a general malaise
in my way of being recently
Almost like an invisible splinter
in an invisible place
Perhaps a relic from
the spirit realms
Not that I know
if any of that is real
I let my mind drift
to these places
Just thinking thoughts
that can be thought
for the sake of thinking
thoughts about thoughts
I want to be more happy
or less miserable
I’ve spent years and years
training the mind
unprogramming my self
From the clutches of
the death culture
Right now it is afternoon
I am watching music related videos
on youtube with a 60 min timer
To keep me disciplined and focused
Forcing myself through the boredom
Convinced there are treasures to be found
In the midst of all this noise and nonsense
After this I will read, take a nap
Then go for a walk
When I come home
I will begin my music trainings
Then eat dinner, watch a movie
Eventually I will get tired
Go to bed, read a few chapters
of Heat 2, the novel
Then fall asleep.
Why do I keep living this way?
Writing poetry, making music
Avoiding the norms
Obsessed with purity and understanding
Looking for my own private version
of christ, of god, of buddha
Looking for salvation
Success and mastery
I look within too
but I am not ready to reject
Materialism and all its trappings
Why do I bother with any of this shit
I don’t know… maybe just
Because I can.