i’ve been playing music for like 30 years
started on the piano when i was 7-8, drums 10, guitar 11
started writing songs at 15
had to start singing too because i didn’t know anybody else who could sing
and even if i did i was shy and my songs were this secret world
a way to be who i really wanted to be and say what i really wanted to say
i was playing and practising a lot
different styles, different methods, different perspectives
and i had always been listening to music
all kinds really… just this relentless hunt for songs i loved
they were and are the ultimate drug
whether it’s pop, punk, metal, blues, classical, funk, jazz
it doesn’t matter because they are all part of the great garden of music
the song is always king… and sometimes the album but those are quite rare
some artists are worth studying in their entire catalogues
beatles, tom waits, radiohead… those are the main ones
you will get a profound musical education just by deeply studying their albums
if you are a musician and haven’t done your due diligence, you are dead to me.
there are some artists/bands i have never understood
so perhaps i am dead to some for the same reasons
david bowie does nothing for me
i like his style and persona but musically i get nothing from it
i dont like his voice or the sound of the production
yet i am intrigued by him and his art…
i was living in london when he died and i was touched by how much people cared
they were deeply hurt that he was gone but because i was not a fan
i felt nothing… but i was intrigued by this whole Bowie phenomena
and why i never got into it all… maybe i will… who knows
i think it is very good to also study things you dont like and know why
and not just be governed by some stupid superficial prejudices
the “i hate coldplay” idiots of this world
there are these strong characters in popular music
iggy pop. lou reed. leonard cohen. bob dylan. springsteen (all unique in their own way)
80s metallica is still some of the best music i have ever heard
and stevie ray vaughan’s guitar sound… wow
or townes van zand’t lyrics and that beautiful vibrato in his voice
the rage of cobain or jimmy chamberlain’s drumming from smashing pumpkins
john bonham. jim morrison. even dave grohl has his moments…
like foo fighters “all my life”… that band is seriously dialed in there!
some rappers i like but not many… eminem, logic, kanye…
modern music offers some solid new characters: kozelek. pearson. maus
bands like mew, coldplay, the national
behringer is also a fine poet
mayer a brilliant guitar player but i don’t care for his personality… but that’s just me
when we got into our teens there was this pressure to become someone
what are you gonna do all the adults asked
i just wanted to escape into music, books and cinema
nothing’s really changed… i somehow had enough talent to pull it off for a few decades
never really made much money or built a proper career
i didn’t take it seriously enough and i always needed to do things my own way
and dabbled in all kinds of things… interested in so many topics
philosophy, spirituality, psychology, science, religion, travel
i needed to do all that and try all those things
but it was always music, cinema and books that called for me
especially during the worst storms
they were my holy trinity
everything else came and went
i mean serious music
i mean serious cinema
i mean serious books
not some bullshit self help ego mind game hollywood nonsense
the real thing… inspired art by tortured souls
not calculated commercial garbage
i wanted to drop all that other stuff but it had sucked me in like a volcano
the cult of modern hipster escapism porn love
save the world politically correct social justice woo woo
the shame i felt my whole life turned into hate
i started to hate myself and who i had become
and the kind of people this hate filled self attracted
i hated everyone and hated the world and life itself
until i reached a breaking point
done with that shit said the mirror gods or voices or whatever
(although i must say i have known some very talented people with a lot of potential but because they never believed in themselves nor believed me when i told them they gave up and became these wannabe hobby artists or even worse blamed the art for their own pathetic weakness and made a mockery of this sacred gift and process and even questioned MY loyalty. It is supposed to break you! That is the test. That is the work. YOU GAVE UP. at least admit it and stop pretending like you did something good. they thought there is something better than this or as if THIS is a fucking choice. there isn’t, this isn’t and never will be. art chooses you or it doesn’t. you don’t learn this from books or some stupid academy. that is something different and i am not talking about that at all… those are just working pros which are very necessary for our world to keep chugging along like it does)
these first 11 songs were just the beginning… but they burned me out big time! this always happens when i make a new album, i wanted to do 20 but that turned to 16 and i can’t even do that right now so gonna leave it at 11 (who’s pathetic now you probably wonder):
MUSIC FOR LOST SOULS (vol. 1)
well i suppose everything is always a beginning of something.
and i dont expect to become some viral sensation mega star
i think my songs are too dark and complex to ever appeal to the masses
PLEASE DONT ASK ME TO WRITE HAPPY SONGS FUCK OFF GO LISTEN TO SOME OTHER SHIT
it will find the right people at the right time
my job is to be a loyal servant to the muse
you deserve no less than that…
and yes, you are one of those who did find this or it found you…
maybe you don’t like it and this all makes you crazy
but i would caution you against disregarding the power of fate
do so at your own peril… the universe is communicating to you, the truth is looking for you
ALWAYS!! maybe through me… maybe this is all you
i don’t know but…
YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON
now gotta go away for a bit an realign my forces, regather the troops
(OFFLINE FOR A MONTH)
I’ll be back at some point. not sure when
focus. discipline. obsession. commitment.
these are the biggest challenges/obstacles an artist faces every day
(i call it the struggle juggle)
but they also provide the greatest rewards and perhaps even greatness itself.
10/31/2020
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in THOUGHTS, POETRY, JOURNAL, MEMORIES
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Nov 5, 2020, 4:44PM |
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