i’m such an asshole

i’m such an asshole
with all my stupid standards
get myself into all this mess
with everyone i know
always poking holes in people’s concepts
as if i am some saint
and i’m not even kidding man
i try to be and think its possible
perfection in all things
my mind, my body, my home, my people, my planet
i don’t even know why i say it’s all mine
because i know it’s not
but what can i say
i’m such an asshole
always been this way
since i first heard nirvana
or got my first four track
lost my virginity in doggy style
with my best friend although initially
i had a crush on her friend
but we fell in love and it all went to hell
frienship gone like the setting sun
i drank too much and left angry messages
got lost in my music and in my head
got thrown out of all the bars
and wrestled with all the bouncers
laughed like tyler durden in the cellar scene
next day woke up to bruises and no fucks given
somehow got through me teens and tweens
and now almost fucking 40
what the hell happened
all these poems and songs and skills
for what
if i am still just a fucking asshole
who cares more about pianos than people
i just use people
when i’m lonely
and then i go back to hiding
work on the craft
the song
the poem
whatever
we’re all gonna die soon anyways
none of this will matter
it only does now because without that
we’d be dead