Was going to keep this simple but fuck it, here goes.
So I am interested in self-destruction, in other words: destroying the “I” and destroying this constant and continuous self-imprisonment into all these ego infested concepts that prevent me from experiencing the eternal bliss. Or… just experiencing (eternal or not, bliss or not) experience itself.
I know that the “I” is blocking me and preventing from going beyond the known. I know that because there is only awareness and that this is true because otherwise there couldn’t be any space for a “self” to exist in. Yes, yes, “who is it that knows these things?” is the question. I understand that intellectually… but how to transform this knowledge into experience? How to go beyond knowledge.
And all this knowing. Where is it getting me? There is still the problem of everyday life. All the shit one has to deal with to survive in this world. In MY world. It all feels like just another concept. Is not language itself just another concept? Maybe we should all just smash our computers, burn our bibles and …. kill ourselves. Is that not liberation from the human mind? Why do we cling on to our lives? Maybe this death I speak of is the heart of truth we all seek.
My mind is so full of fucking noise, not sure if I can take it anymore. I am capable of dissecting my own thoughts above but how is this to be done in every moment. I just can’t seem to GET at the thoughts as they are happening. It’s just a big haze of nothingness that vibrates intensely and echos in my skull. I notice the thoughts after I’ve been depressed and numbed out on junk food and entertainment for days.
barriers, barriers, barriers
arrrrghhh!!!
something is breaking free….
free from the known.
That much is known.
– TheWolf
