Along with music, I’ve been attempting to figure out life but it seems the goal posts are always moving. The more I know, the more I know what is possible. And thus, knowledge becomes relative. You are actually learning how little you know. The Socrates thing… it takes a lot of humility and wisdom to admit that we don’t really know that much. What is more important is the discovery and exploration of truth as an evolving phenomena. It becomes a creative endeavour. You are getting older and older. Closer and closer to death. Farther and farther from something else. Your ego and physical body is constantly being born again and overcoming all kinds of stuff. You strive for perfection but when you get to heaven you wonder what next because it’s boring to not have desire. Boredom is probably the biggest fear and killer of humans. We would rather fight wars and create drama than have to face the perplexing paradox of our entire existence. Science within a dreamworld. You uncover one thing and realise it’s a whole new universe with different laws! Good luck figuring that out with your meaning and purpose and family and retirement money. I think it’s time to decompress. No internet for November. And delete all the chat bling bling stuff. I never liked 24/7 connection. Not my thing. It’s too much. It takes the sacredness out of human connection. Back in the day we would be hanging out all day and every day with our 50 person tribe. Everything you did was for the group. But even then, you were still tinkering on the edge of survival and trying not to murder that guy who is better than you. You thought what the hell is wrong with these idiots and consider abandoning everyone and starting your own thing. It takes you forever to find the courage because you don’t even have the words for your feelings. You just feel them and react to whatever happens. When you get hungry enough, all your dreams change and then you make mistakes and regret things. You fall asleep and survive. One day everything is destroyed and you are left stranded. Finally you are free but you miss your people, including that fuckface you wanted to kill. You miss it all. You would do anything to go back but you don’t understand time. You are hungry again so you go swimming in the river. You decide to let go and let the current swallow your sorry ass. Waterfalls. Rapids. You feel like you’re flying. Sharp branches and deadly rocks. This was a terrible idea you think and curse the gods who don’t care so you invent atheism. You laugh and cry and feel afraid and excited. It takes you somewhere. You finally feel like you are going places. A new valley. It is warm and calm there. You are exhausted. You fall asleep on the beach covered in seaweed and cuts like you’ve been whipped and beaten all night. You wake up to outsiders poking you with sticks. Grunting. Pull the plug! Wake up. Back to reality. You stumble out of bed. Drink coffee. Listen to blues music. A new reality. Post-it notes on walls to remind you who you are. I need to run today. I need to see a doctor about my eye-lid. New month approaching. Am i on track? Songs to record. Thoughts to think. Books to read. You wanna get through all the movies so you can finally stop watching them. Bad habits to quit. Lost in a world that drives you mad no matter where you look. It’s fucking beautiful.
10/28/2020
- Leave a comment
- Share
in THOUGHTS, POETRY, JOURNAL, MEMORIES, SPIRITUALITY