i hate this fucking house.
it’s always freezing in here.
i almost decided to leave. well i did decide but then i decided i won’t because i realized it’s not really that bad.
i am listening to Blues Oyster Cult. I have all their albums downloaded from pirate bay. Just one of those bands i never listened to. I think i’m gonna delete them all, doesn’t sound like anything.
just watched Clockwork Orange. it was entertaining but it failed to move me on a deeper level. overrated. similar kind of film to Fight Club which is also overrated. They are just good movies, nothing more, nothing less. Not great. Not amazing. Certainly not masterpieces. What is a masterpiece anyway? It’s a bullshit word.
Other bullshit words: god, love, freedom, destiny, faith, angels, ghosts.
I wish i had my own goddamn house where i could be warm and have a hifi stereo with a big record collection and a big book shelf full of books and a huge tv where i could watch movies and a comfortable couch + cool furniture and things around the house and a great kitchen where i could leearn how to cook and a big fridge that doesn’t have people’s disgusting food rotting in it and my food having to be crammed in soome stupid corner.
i have been reading Catcher iN The Rye lately, i’m about 75% finished. I think the way i am writing in this journal entry is quite influenced by reading that book.
i shouldn’t be so negative but does it really fucking matter?
trying to hook my ipod to my mac but the stupid usb isn’t working and it’s friggin pissing me off. i keep my anger inside i don’t usually let it show. I just get grumpy and sometimes say mean things to people so i can make them feel shit too and then i feel this evil goodness because i had an effect on somebody with my stupid bad mood and then i feel guilty which makes me feel more depressed .
been going to the gym almost 2 months now. i have become more fit yes. i want to be at optimal fitness level. no more drugs to poison me. drugs are so fucking pathetic. all junkies should be shot dead and their corpses burned. i have no sympathy for those fuckers. i mean yeah they probably had a hard life but i mean if you can’t get your shit together fuck off and die, don’t be a rat. sometimes i think all people who don’t benefit society should be killed like hitler did. wow i am really evil. maybe i should be killed too then. I mean what fucking good am i to anyone? yeah sure i write some great songs but lately it seems that only i think that. well at least i am doing it for myself.
been playing on the street for the last few months i guess that makes me important because people like heearing those classic tunes when they are stumbling home from the bar.
i hate bars. full of a bunch of fake people who think they are having fun when they are really just drunk which is pathetic if you ask me. if it weren’t for the living they provide me, i’d hate drunk people. i guess i am the smart one though because i am taking advantage of them. although often i feel it’s the other way around. i am a prositute selling myself for money. almost the fucking same.
i should really stop swearing and eating animal products. they make me feel like a hypocrite. one minute i am ranting about some poor piggies and then i gulp down a piece of tuna with eggs or whatever. fish suffer too Markus, you ignorant fool!!
going home for xmas. will be nice to see Fina and the family. hopefully i will get amazon gift certificates so i can buy more books that will sit there forever for me to get around and read.
i bettter get off my ass and go drink some water and then go to the gym and also go to ticketmaster to see if there are any kings of leon tickets left. the reason I really wanna go see them is because their opening act which is a band called M83. they are french and i have been really digging their music lately. The new Leons album is also pretty good but i think their old stuff is shit.
bye.