Started working on a new song again today. Just finished the guitars. This one is called Thinking About You. It should be ready by friday. Been also thinking about a lot of other stuff today as well. Self-doubts creeping in which is quite common for me. Am I too egotistical, too crazy, too difficult, too dark, too stubborn, too hypocritical, too wild, too unstable, too… something… for the likes of good, kind, happy people who just want something more simple and predictable? Is there a way to continue to do things my way and break into the mainstream somehow with my ruthless, uncompromising approach or will I forever be an outsider wondering why he just does not really fit in anywhere? Forever starting all over, beginning again, changing my scene, changing my style, changing my goals, etc. And is it good to be open about my insecurities like this or just let my songs do the talking and hide behind them? Or are my words and actions and everything else I do equally part of the art—as much as my songs, my shows or anything else? I feel an unprecedented personal strength when it comes to dealing with these crippling questions which is good. I used to get really depressed from such thought games. I’m gonna go read and sleep on it. x
POSTED IN RAMBLINGS TAGGED CRAZY, DARK, DEPRESSION, DIFFICULT, EGOTISTICAL, HYPOCRISY,SELF-DOUBT, STUBBORN, UNSTABLE, WILD