Sept 19, 2022

Been figuring out how to do this online thing for 20 years. Had a million blogs and projects but always nuke everything because my ideas and characters change so suddenly and extremely that i feel dishonest if i am showing content that is not the REAL ME in that given moment. So there is an element of con-artistry to what i do. Wannabe poet artist whatever which is the only thing i am really good at so decided to just go ALL IN long ago. And it’s quite a rush to go from LOOK WHAT I CREATED and not getting the fame and love my vanity desires to FUCK THIS I’M JUST GONNA DELETE IT ALL. So it’s all some kind of heartbreak vanity project. All artists worth their salt are a) insane and b) attention whores. Why else would we even bother? Attention is our currency and market validation to test product. Some people are into extreme sports like skydiving and snowboarding and sport fucking but i’m more into the INNER EXTREMES. The love torure porn. The worse my life gets the more inspired i feel because then there is a real need and primitive urge to create something to feel alive or survive. This kind of life and death on the edge of madness and glory creating is where all my best stuff comes from. And also my favorite art is like that too. Like Henry Millers novels or Howling wolf blues records. You know that this is all they got. There is no plan b. You can feel it. And it’s medicine for others who feel it too but dont have the voice to say it. Thats why songs and comedy and movies are so crucial to life for humans on earth. There is no family life or private life or some mansion in hollywood for the artist who is operating in this mode. And it seems to me that success ALWAYS destroys the creative juice and flow. I have yet to really see an exception. Especially when the artist starts to become the brand. That is a death sentence. Look at metallica. Or Mccartney. Or conor mcgregor. Once you lose the hunger, you are done as an artist or fighter. But you know, i archived everything. I manufactured this broken hungry character i now portray and play. It’s a kind of happiness where i just need to be in a certain state to feel whole. It’s not healthy and it’s too intense if you are around my energy. But it’s powerful too. To spend 40 years failing hard and trying all kinds of crazy shit because i always felt wrong for this world. But i survived. Somehow. Succecs would’ve killed me so instead i killed success. Now i am happy in my own fucked up way. Live in a museum basically. My sacred temple. Got what i need to create and explore. WIthout this i am someone else. And that will never work. Need to be this way to create my best work. Dont expect anyone to understand nor do you have to. We are all cogs in the machine in our own ways. Unique perspectives in the great fuck you of whatever the hell this is. Sorry for being such a terrible friend and for missing all your important moments. That’s just never gonna be me. When i’m in town, you better free up the calendar or i’ll be gone before you can kiss the moon. Anyways, time to open up the archives. Gonna share everything. Unedited, unfiltered. Vids. Photos. Stories. Notes. Screenshots. Poetry. Songs. Of course still creating the premium content too… Not sure anyone cares but it is what it is. I know there are dreamers out there how still feel the secret whisper of youth kicking in their memories. I am not a family man. Just a guy who likes 80s metallica, Bukowski books, german beer and making music at 2am with friends and possible lovers. Finally, poetry is the essence of all art and it’s always an exploration of form. So I encourage you to express yourself in all that you do. In the way you dress, talk, move, speak, dance. Be free. Dont follow trends. Be your own star and president and watch the sky light up. Love, Markus