I think many people don’t realize how messed up and confused they are. I think the reason for my mood swings is the fact that I do realize it. We live in a world of contradictions. We strive for happiness but we turn our heads when there is suffering around us. We do not do everything in our power to make the world a better place. We don’t even do everything to make our own lives better. People just drift with the current and the curiosity for life’s purpose is non-existant in most people.
So what do I want? I want to not be so confused and messed up. I want to not do things that I don’t like (e.g. being on this ship). I don’t want to do things just for the money. I want to find something where the money is just a bonus on top of all the rewards I already get from it. Money is just something we use to trade things. It has no value in itself. You can certainly start manipulating yourself into thinking that it does hold value and power but that road will lead you into darkness.
I want to somehow be able to live off just being me and being free. I don’t want to have to do this or play certain songs just because I am paid to do it. I don’t want that!
Freedom is being able to do what you want.
Success is when you are truly free.
But what about money? Money is a necessity to stay alive in this world at least if you want to be apart of society e.g. paying taxes, consuming for the greater good, etc. Am I ready to give up those things? Would that be the price I’d have to pay for ultimate freedom? Does being a part of society mean that you are a slave to it?
Perhaps I need to live somewhere else in the world to find some answers.
The music thing is becoming irrelevant. I think it will always be there waiting for me but maybe I am not ready for it yet. I can pursue it and become successful but somehow I think all of that will just be a distraction from what my real purpose is.
Once again I leave this with an I don’t know.
