I’ve known it for a long time. I mean the knowledge has been deep down
there inside of me. Somewhere. It’s been there ever since I began to
understand the world we live in. The truth slowly formed. Some call it
enlightenment. But I think that’s a one dimensional way of looking at it. Sure,
it can be enlightening to know what’s going on. But this ‘knowing’ can also be
a burden. You see, there’s another side to this enlightenment. There’s a much
darker side…
I have avoided it. I’ve ran from it. A few times I’ve met with it. Looked it in the
eyes. Those eyes will scare the living daylights out of someone who is not
strong enough. I have certainly not been strong enough. Although it just may
be that this weakness, this vulnerability, my ultra sensitive nature that is, is
ultimately the greatest strength known to us. Perhaps.
What am I talking about?
I’m talking about the fact the we live in a world that is on drugs. A species
that is addicted to drugs. In fact, I argue that most of the human race (and not
just western civilization) is so deeply addicted that the realization of a
problem is not even acknowledged. A crazy person never thinks their crazy
right?
And this is the problem I, myself, personally face. You see, the problem is
twofold: 1) the fact that I am addicted 2) the fact that I KNOW I am and others
don’t. This drug addict stares at me in mirrors. In windows. I study its eyes. I
try to find the humanity in there. Sometimes I succeed. Considering where I
am posting this (the only refuge I currently know for such thoughts) I am also
certain that there are many of you who have been able to escape the clutches
of this most horrible of drugs, the most crippling and cunning substance to
paralyze our immense intelligence: food; our diets. Those who are free from
its chains are the hope of the future. Or perhaps it is too late.
I am an addict. An addict to salt, to sugar, to fat. To animal products. To
bread. But the addiction doesn’t end there. It only starts there. The real
addition is the lifestyle that is so closely linked with all these substances. The
addiction also involves and escaping the reality of this lifestyle. By drinking.
Getting high. Getting stoned. Getting off. Getting on. Getting in. Getting out.
Stimulation, arousal. Excitement. Entertainment. Romance. Consumerism.
Materialism. Junk food. Junk love. Junk media. Junk relationships. Bang bang!
boom boom! Right now. Right here. We want it all and to ourselves and then
some! Whatever happened to just enjoying the sound of a stream flowing?
The smell of flowers? The poetry of a silent sunset?
It is all one big family. I am so deeply involved in it, it is my blood and bones.
My guts. My memories. My soul. My heart. That is the whole addiction. My life
is one big addiction. But I have seen the light. I want to be free from it all.
Free from this person I have allowed myself to become. This person they have
brought into this world. This person whom I despise. This person who is not
really me. Read that again! Who is NOT really me. However, I now know that it
is a fool who thinks that the way out is only by changing one thing and
thinking that will change everything. As a very wise man wrote “diet is just
one part” of the other 31+- other parts of a healthy lifestyle. We are still
waiting for this wise man to write the other 31 parts of his health masterpiece
😀
Imagine this:
You are a heroin junkie. All your friends are heroin junkies. So are your family
members. So are your doctors. Your teachers. The law enforcement officers.
The leaders of society. Your superiors. Your inferiors. Your pets. You decided
that you want to stop using heroin. Where do you go?
I feel like a sane man walking amongst a world of insane men, women,
children.
*********************************
Here I am. A man in need. In despair. But my need is everything. My despair is
like a sword. I am stuck in this cage. The gates have been open all this time. I
have tasted freedom’s sweetness on my tongue. It is out there waiting for me.
I am a slave who’s master is nobody but himself.
I will get to the other side. I can do this. It’ll be only as easy as I make it.
PS. I binged again on… everything. There was another family gathering… a
babtism. I’m an atheist. Horribly depressed now. The positive: the binges used
to last many months (not just food but alcohol, sex, drugs, etc.) but they are
getting shorter and shorter. I return to the Natural Hygiene lifestyle quicker each time. I’m starting to feel like i’m slowly leaving that world behind… little by little. It’s
already 13 minutes past midnight. And yet again, I am a blank slate. To
endlessly begin again — >>
peace to all
and
sorry
MN
