* Walking to the gym and getting pumped.
* The feeling I get when I leave the gym. Refreshed. Strong. Hungry. Clean.
* Checking facebook and connecting with my people and sharing my thoughts and songs.
* Checking email and connecting with my people.
* Writing and exploring my thoughts on paper.
* Doing online courses and making progress.
* Working on my music skills.
* Eating food I enjoy. Pizza. Mmmm…
* Starting a new book.
* Watching a new film or show I haven’t seen.
* Following what’s going on in Formula 1 and UFC. If there’s a race or a fight on, I go a little crazy.
* New albums or songs from my favorite bands and artists.
* Making a lot of money and feeling free.
* Feeling free and making a lot of money.
* Helping others get what they want.
* Deep conversations with people I respect on big topics.
* Seeing old friends and talking about life and love and loss and figuring it all out.
* A new week or month or year. I track everything. Total nerd.
* Putting on a great album and just sitting on my sofa and surrendering to the beautiful madness of life.
Lots of stuff.
We get depressed and people kill themselves when there’s nothing more to look forward to. It’s a war of the mind imploding. Been there done that. You can kill yourself without dying though. I am the master of that.
That’s why I always disappear. One day they will study my ways. Nobody important gets studied while they are living. Listen to my songs and lyrics. It’s all there. They are much wiser than me. They are written by the gods. I just sit there and get electrocuted with love and fear. All for you. Boohoo.
Sometimes I look forward to being in my dark place. It’s so safe and warm. Like finnish winters. It’s insane that I could like it. Just lay there. Do nothing. Want nothing. Hate everything. Love the hate. It’s sick and twisted. But sometimes I miss it. When I’m there, everything becomes a little deeper. Like when I play my guitar, I can dive into the sound. It’s strange. Scary too a bit. Because I lose boundaries and my mind starts to melt. It’s part of me. It will always be there. I feel bad for shadows and anxiety. Everyone always wants them to go away. Who will love the loveless? When I watch a good ballet, it feels like the dancers know exactly who I am and I feel this incredible sense of joy and tenderness.