I am listening to Neil Young & Crazy Horse “Live at Filmore East”. I think it was recorded in 1971 but wasn’t released until this year. What an amazing album. I never used to be a big fan of Neil Young although i’ve always loved a few of his songs. He’s one of those artists that’s been creeping around somewhere in the background for me. People are always talking about him and writing about him and how much of a genius he is. Like a group at a party that is always there but you have your own group/friends so you never join them although you may want to. Throughout the years his songs have become familiar to me. It wasn’t until I was sitting in a car with my cousin at the end of last year when he told me to listen to this. He slid in a cd in the cd player. It was a live album. This one was released last year. An old show from 1972. Live at Massey Hall. All of a sudden I just understood him. His voice seemed to cut through everything that was racing through my mind at that point. The songs were familiar but now they sounded like never before. The words, the melodies, the soul in his songs, the acoustic guitar touch that comes through on that recording. After that i’ve went back and listened to lots of Neil Young. He is a genius. I don’t know if there is anybody else who after so long can still write such amazing music. Most songwriters seem to lose their ability at some point when they get older. I don’t know if they are ruined by fame or just lose their passion/need to ‘channel’. Listen to his recent album “Prairie Wind”. Every song is almost his best song. What an inspiration this man is for me. Creeps behind you like a cat and gets so close you don’t know he’s there. Then he attacks you like a lion. From nowhere. I gladly surrender.
So what is success? I think about this as the keyboard I write with makes it’s plastic clicks and clacks. Success. I read a blog where this guy who is an industry insider says that when you have 1000 true fans, you can live financially comfortable. This means fans who really follow your career and buy everything you release. They come to your gigs as if it’s the last thing they do. They are not necessarily your friends or people you know although they could be. You (or your music) are a light at of the end of the tunnel for them when things are bad. You carry them on your backs so they can unleash their screams of triumph from their lungs when they have found glory. You become apart of their lives even though they might not become apart of yours in the same way.
One thousand fans. So how many do I have. 50? 100? Maybe 150 if we count them in all the places I have travelled. But perhaps a big part of those are maybe just doing it for the support. Support as family and friends who want to help you. And my estimation is just based on the people who buy my album. What about the people who read my blog? Or listen to my songs on the internet or mp3 player when they are reading their email or cleaning their room or making out with their lover or walking in the forest? How can I really know? Maybe dear reader, you can tell me? Do you like my music? Do you just like me? Or are you just curious? A friend or fan? Only so many have actually told me that they love what I am doing. That is okay. I can’t make somebody like my music no matter how good I know them. The most important thing is that I like it. Let’s face it, i’m still plugging away in the musical gutter. Somebody would even say i am struggling. But I don’t feel like I am. I am quite excited with the way things are going. The curve is definately going higher. Every year I feel a better musician and a step closer to my goals, whatever they are. It doesn’t mean I am ambitionless for more. Of course I am hungry for more. I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t. But I honestly really like what I am doing right now. Some days I just want to play to myself and write songs that I don’t even necessarily want anybody to hear. Ever. Songs for only me. Or sometimes I just play the guitar without any words or vocals. I love the sound of acoustic guitar. I love the way I play when I am only doing it for me. It will never be the same when there is even one person watching. It is not better or worse. Just different.
I have no doubt that 1000 fans is a completely realistic goal for me. It just takes time when you are doing it so selfishly as I am. I am willing to make no compromises musically. I know this is the right way because it just feels right. I have really learned to not care what anybody thinks or says. It does not mean I am not interested in it. This is something that is very important for a musician. Trust your feelings. Learn to feel your instinct. Without that a musicians work becomes detached from everything. Well at least from it’s creator.
I think success is dynamic. I don’t want to follow success. I want success to follow me. To find me. I also want to give it to people. I want you to feel good. I like reassuring people who are in despair. It makes me feel good. Is that an intrinsic motive? Selfish? I don’t know but I do know that true giving is also taking. Give and take becomes the same word. There should be a word for it.
Success awaits everyone. Many people also walk hand in hand with it and don’t realize it until it is gone. Some don’t ever realize it. When they succeed they want a different kind of success. Always obsessed with ‘making it’ or ‘breaking through’. Determining success among yourself is not the same as success among other people. Or some people might just not see your success. I wouldn’t worry about that too much. I don’t have any answers as you can see.
Just watched a film called The Bucket List. What a great film. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to feel alive. Beautiful movie. It is about success.
