(from some online I course I joined, dont even remember what it was, this used to be a re-occuring pattern for me… trying to figure out this online business thing… Either i would sabotage and cancel/refund or get banned because I went apeshit)
I’ve been stuck again. Haven’t even logged in last few days to the course. Just lost motivation and momentum before it even began. This happens to me every time. And I look at many pages here and wonder why they are ghost towns. People get excited, sign up and then life gets in the way. I know from experience because it always happens to me. Months go by and then 6 months and suddenly a year goes and nothing has changed.
It always happens when I get to the spreadsheets and analysis. I seem to be allergic to it. I feel like my soul is being sucked out of my body when I have to calculate what people want. I personally can’t stand art or music that is calculated. Yes it sells and tops charts and gets awards. But it does nothing for me spiritually or emotionally. It’s garbage. And i don’t want to become like that. I would rather be poor and unknown but create from the heart.
Btw, I am a poet/musician in case you didn’t know yet. I suppose I wear that as some kind of badge of honour although commercially and vanity metrics wise my art has been a colossal failure. Maybe I just suck and have deluded myself into staying a kid forever by being a travelling musician. That is impossible now with the scamdemic.
So I join courses and even get coaching. I have spent a lot on this especially last few years. I join the communities. Follow people who have already done it right? But I always end up doing things my own way. I just want to see how others do it.
My patterns are clear and re-emerging again.
I think passion is crucial. I am 100000% sure I will never be able to create a website on something I don’t know about or have any interest in just because people are googling it. That just doesn’t work for me. So it has to be something I love: music, chess, literature, etc.
Leaning more towards personal brand. I have posts archived on my ext hd from 2006. So from the last 16 years and I could start publishing them on one site. Maybe that will help with the rankings? Let google find them in the next year or two as I slowly publish the archive. Music, poetry, travel stories… I have lots of wild crazy experiences to share.
I’m a bit of a madman. Focusing on helping and serving others does not come naturally to me. I express something deeper. It’s not just about me but universal. The struggle. The beauty. And I trust that others feel what I feel. I gravitate towards finding those others when I need the comfort or therapy only art can provide.
Somehow this has to be about that expression. That is what drives me.
Personal brand + entertainment + inspiration.
That is all i have to offer. Trust the gut and heart.
The results will come even if it is a small loyal following.
Can’t force myself into a mold which people have been trying to do to me my whole god damn life! Sick of it.
But I am here by choice so need to make this work somehow.
Gonna explore the other courses, niche blogging is clearly not for me.
Thoughts/criticism/feedback appreciated!
THANKS
I don’t want to become a ghost town. Either do it or not.
What am I missing?
Thanks for reading.
PS. I struggle with mood swings, bipolar, borderline personality disorder and all that shit and last few days have been dark hell! In case you’re wondering why my tone might change suddenly yet there is some kind of meta-awareness going on even in the eye of the storm… I have struggled with this my whole life and some days are just pure good ol’ fashioned survival (no meds, drugs, alcohol, coffee, caffeine, stimulants, vaccines which I all vehemently oppose!)
