not really sure why i am even sending this
somehow i thought this year would be different
i had more stability, my own place
practising music, meditation, gym
met this girl i really really liked and things were going great
was writing poetry and songs about my feelings for her
found new ways
was getting ready to record a new album
and build a life with her
travel with her
so much inspiration
it felt so good to be so good to someone
but then everything just fell apart so suddenly
i am so disappointed in everything and everyone
most of all myself
how blind i was…
how foolish…
and now i am exhausted
got nothing left to give
(that’s honestly how it feels right now)
then i get obsessed because i want to fix things and control
the more i try to fix things, the worse it gets
now it’s like the whole world is falling apart
and i don’t even care
what can you do but get back up and be someone else or i don’t even know anymore
you just open your eyes to another day and float away
or hope for something better than this constant struggle
am i a good person?
or am i sick and evil and twisted and addicted to a drug i would love to try?
it seems like i destroy everything i create and suffocate people i want to save
it’s always too much and too intense and then i want even more
story of my life,
are you there my love?
what happened to us?
i don’t understand how one moment things are so good
and then just like that…
gone
i just wanted to be with you and hold you and grow wings together and fly away… none of this madness and drama, this is too much for anyone… especially you who i wanted to give the opposite
You said you love craziness and have no boundaries and are fearless but now i wonder if you really knew what you were saying or wanting or asking for as if this is all some kind of game and men like me are some kind of experiment where you get to go home after it’s all over as if nothing ever happened and i don’t exist anymore…
people want freedom but i’m not sure they really do because freedom is like TRUE LOVE, it requires sacrifice and going all in and yes it’s risky but with great risk comes great rewards and yes it’s difficult to expose yourself and get close to someone but that’s what intimacy is all about
LOVE IS WILD
I don’t know how to love
the one who chases what they want
only to push away
All that is given
This is my life and I am actually like this
Not just some show or puppet
You wanted crazy
You said keep going
You said you wanted the whole me, the real me
I warned you but you wanted more and told me to keep going
I told you who I am and you heard my songs and read my poetry
You saw the look in my eyes
When you called for me with your sorrow
And cried for my help In those eternal moments that never last
”Some dance to remember. Some dance to forget.”
Are we all animals stuck in the human zoo?
you wanted me untamed
and for you not to be tamed by me
LOVE IS WILD
but now we are confused, hurt
and broken instead
Wolves of the mind, hunting us
In the dark forests of our lonely hearts
Thanks and Sorry but what can i do or who can i be but me the current version and try to be as authentic as I can and as i am right here and right now even when it’s a destructive force like you said and probably even knew when you fell in love with my songs and listened to them when you couldn’t sleep and told me how you dreamed of me and saw me when you woke up or when you crashed your car
You found yourself in me but still ran away
thanks for reading
you can unsubscribe if you want
strange times
survival instincts kicking in
bye
Regards,
Mr. and Mrs. Mood Machine
PS. i dont know how to give up or let go… because after that, what remains? Also, if you are struggling to get through the night or day and other hard times, contact me. Lets ramble like the world is ending which it might be!
LOVE IS WILD