hi everyone,
so i wanted to take a bit of a break from social media this month
but last week i needed fb marketplace and some other stuff
then yesterday i thought i’d deactivate the accounts
i used to just delete everything which was simpler
but then you gotta build it all back up again (big mistake)
i have this fear… anxiety
things not going my way, losing control
or disappointing people with who i am and everything
i think my expectations are too high for myself and my life
and i put too much pressure on others
muses, heroes, saviors, gurus, purity, perfectionism, relationships, performances, my songs, my choices, etc
got this really bad feeling inside
but i have this dream and vision and i believe in it
a community full of joy and creative energy and beauty
i guess the blues singers and all artists sang about this bad feeling
(and found a way to laugh about it or make it beautiful)
or played about it with instruments or danced
or acted or took photos or painted
drank away their sorrows
and did heavier drugs when drinking stopped working
or found god and peace
some died and became legends
some survived and wrote autobiographies about their youth
and how they got healthy and married
most people’s stories will never be known
somehow i am still here, 36, not famous or known by many
because i have kind of been hiding and developing
writing about my thoughts and emotions and experiences
singing when words are not enough
anyways, gonna be laying low for awhile
(don’t know how long because time is strange)
i’ll leave the accounts here and try not to mess with anything
need to get focused!
i have a secret email list if you want to go deeper…
i have made 3 albums and a new one hopefully this year
some videos on youtube
i’m honestly a bit lost
with everything
i was born lost
and this anxiety… fuck
thanks
and sorry
LOVE,
markus
